Magic and Merthur
by PeacockBlue
Summary: Only a couple of hints of slash, but nothing more. What happens when Alice lands in Camelot? 3rd follow-up to 'Hobbits and Hair Dye'.


_4a) Do not tell Merlin that you know his secret. Especially if you're talking about his 'relationship' with Arthur._

_4b) Do not call Kilgarrah 'the almighty slash dragon' unless you want to be barbequed._

_4c) __**Never**__ ask Uther what the magic word is. He has no sense of humour._

I appeared in the middle of a dense wood. I took one step forwards, caught my ankle on a root, stumbled and twisted or sprained it. I didn't really care what it was. It _hurt_. I dragged myself up supporting myself with a tree trunk. I tried to take a step and fell as a sharp pain shot up my leg. Letting out some words that _definitely_ broke the 'aged aunt rule', I collapsed on the ground.

I looked down at myself, twisting my fingers through my lap. The black robes with the red and gold emblem topped of with a gold and red tie I had appeared in Hogwarts with had been replaced by a beautiful medieval gown with elegant stitching in gold thread over the wine-coloured crimson fabric that was spread out around me. I tried to run my hands through my hair, only to find that my shoulder-length cut had grown out and had been sophisticatedly coiffured with jewelled combs stuck into it to hold the style in place.

I whipped my head swiftly around as I heard crashing coming from behind me. I tried to get up to run away, but stopped, sending a steady stream of swear words, including the Elder Swear that Prof D. had taught me. It seemed that the _language_ had caught the attention of whoever it was. I dipped into my Magic Backpack, now looking rather like an elegant handbag that matched my dark red dress, and came out holding an intricately decorated dagger. I tugged it partway out of its sheath exposing a deadly sharp edge. _Okaaay_. I pulled it all the way out and hid it behind the leg that was further away from the hoof beats steadily drawing nearer.

A white horse with a long wavy mane paced regally into my field of vision. On top was a blond-haired guy who sat in the saddle with the ease of someone who had been born riding horses. Not far behind him was a dark-haired man looking like he was about the same age with ears the size of an African elephant's.

I watched them, taking note of the assorted weaponry carried by the blond. I shifted my hold on the dagger and prepared to defend myself. As the blond saw how I was sitting, injured ankle propped up on a tree stump and wincing every time my weight shifted, concern stole over his face. Hastily dismounting, he cautiously made his way over towards me. I shifted my hand so that my dagger was in full view, giving him a not-so-subtle warning not to try anything. He saw my gesture and showed me his hands, opening them wide above his head and turning them so that I could see he was holding no weapons. When I still refused to put the knife away, he carefully unbuckled his sword belt and laid it gently on the ground. I sheathed the blade and put it back in my Magic Backpack-now-handbag. Encouraged by this, he walked over to me and, kneeling down, asked me what had happened.

"I, I don't remember." I stammered, making my voice slightly breathy and furrowing my forehead in convincing confusion. "I-it's all a-a blur."

Seeming convinced by my 'confusion', he waved the dark-haired one over, snapping "Merlin, come and help me get her up."

When the other man was close enough, he gently put an arm under mine and, gesturing for his friend to do the same, helped me up, taking the weight off of my injured ankle. I limped, supported in this way, over to the horses. They looked at each other, seeming to have a silent conversation using only their eyes.

Merlin sighed. "Allow me to offer you the use of my horse." He invited. I smiled my thanks to him, mainly because I didn't want my *extended* vocabulary to shock the ears of my helpers, something that I knew would happen if I opened my mouth.

"We are not far away from Camelot," the blond informed me, "It is not too far for my servant to walk. I would offer for you to ride pillion, but the odds of bushing your injury and causing you further pain are too great. Merlin will lead the horse for you so that all you need concentrate on is keeping your leg still. I apologise that I cannot offer a side saddle for you to use; you must make do with this one."

The ride was about an hour and, barring occasional jolts sending my left ankle into agony, was very comfortable. Some small talk was made on the way, mainly blondy, or Arthur as he introduced himself, telling me about his home and asking me about myself. When I told him that all I could remember was the name Alice, he looked even more worried.

I was lying in a luxuriously appointed four-poster bed on top of a huge heap of pillows and a large number of blankets. Resting on the edge of the bed was a pair of crutches, or the contemporary equivalent, and sitting on the small bedside table was a small glass bottle of a mild pain relief potion, and one containing a light sleeping potion both next to my Magic Handbag.

My ankle had been seen to by an old man with white hair as long as mine had been before appearing here. He was wearing a shapeless red-brown dress and had the most _expressive _eyebrows I had ever seen. He had briefly examined my injury and had informed me that it was, and I quote, 'no mere twist or sprain, but a severe break'. I have lost count of the times that I have mildly injured myself doing something dangerous; almost all just cuts or bruises, and now I have a broken joint or bone, just from standing in the wrong place. Typical.

As I was just starting to go out of my mind with boredom, I could hear two irate voices approaching. I strained to listen in.

"But, father," Ah, Arthur speaking. "She is clearly a noblewoman. Her hands are soft, she has the palest skin I have ever seen and I have never encountered a dress to rival the one that she is wearing. The way she holds herself, speaks and behaves is that of one with noble blood, and not of a sorceress."

"Arthur," his father attempted to placate him. "It is never possible to be too safe with these magic-wielders. Have you no memory of the numerous times they have tried to kill both you and me? Would you bring an enemy into the very core of our stronghold?"

I could hear Arthur trying to persuade his father that I was trustworthy all the way up the corridor (Really, these doors were _awful _at keeping sound out) until, finally they entered my room.

Arthur's father was a greying man who was just a little bit shorter than him. He wore an aura of power like a cloak settled comfortably around his shoulders.

"Tell me all you can remember," he ordered.

I told him that I could not remember much, only that my name was Alice. I informed him that I woke up in the middle of the woods and could not recall a thing. Putting in a tiny nervous stutter and looking at him fearfully seemed to be the cherry on the proverbial cake; he believed me without question.

After we had been talking for a while, he made his excuses (kingdom to run – hah! What a rubbish excuse!) got up and left, Arthur trailing behind him. Just as they exited my new room, Gaius entered. Wow, it was getting to be a bit like Oxford Street around Christmas!

"How are you feeling, my lady?" he asked gently. Not waiting for a reply, he picked up the sleeping draught he had left not long before that. "I believe that now would be a good time to get some rest. This will help you to fall asleep quickly, and without dreams." He handed me the small glass bottle, having uncorked it so that I wouldn't spill it trying to open the bottle. I tilted my head back and chugged it down, grimacing at the foul taste.

"Urgh! What was _in _that?!" I exclaimed, before gently drifting off into a comforting sleep.

The next day was bright and sunny. I woke when a dark-skinned girl looking about the same age as I currently was (seriously, Q? _why_ did you have to mess with my age as well as my _life_?!) started to pull back the heavy velvet curtains in my room. When she saw that I was awake, she curtsied and introduced herself as Gwen, informing me that she would act as my maidservant until such a time as I remembered who I was and where I was from. She stepped back and showed me a large bowl of fruit on the big wooden table in the middle of the huge room.

"Here," she said, "What do you wish me to bring?" I answered her by flailing wildly at the crutches by my huge bed. She suppressed a smile and hurried forwards to help me, softly pulling me to the edge of the bed and handing me first one crude crutch and then the other. I pulled myself up quickly balanced myself on the precarious sticks, falling back on my experience when I was thirteen and broke my leg falling out of a tree.

"Ha!" I exclaimed, "Piece of cake! Now, what was it you were showing me?"

She gestured towards the middle of the table, where I could see a huge bowl of fresh fruit surrounded by a spread of cold meats, fruit jams, hunks of wholegrain bread and a large water pitcher with a metal goblet. I turned towards her.

"You can't possibly expect me to eat all of this on my own!" I grinned, adding "There's enough for an army here. Would you help me out, Gwen?"

We made short work of the huge meal. Gwen got most it – I've never been much of a morning person when it comes to food, usually preferring a hot chocolate with marshmallows to a full English. After she had taken the scraps and empty plates down to the kitchens, Arthur appeared at my door, offering a tour of the castle after seeing that I was up and out of the very comfortable bed. I explained that it seemed impossible to stay lying down for long. At first he offered me his arm then pulled it away, remembering my invalid state. Smiling politely, he led me out of my room and down the hallway. As we walked, he told me about Camelot. He told me about the city, about the people and his position. Finally, as he strode and I hopped into the main courtyard, he gave me a rundown of the laws and the rules – written and unspoken. We turned and made our way back through the castle, eventually ending up outside my room. Arthur motioned towards the door next to mine.

"Morgana, my father's ward, lives in here. She will take it upon herself to aid you in your search for your recollections." He knocked and was invited to enter.

"Morgana," he began, "This is Alice."

I smiled shyly as a dark-haired beauty turned to face us. She saw us and smiled, the warmth not quite reaching her eyes, although I was the only one who seemed to notice. My eyes flitted around the room and latched on to Gwen bustling around the room, shaking out and putting away some of Morgana's richly made dresses. I shot a glance to my left, only to see that Arthur's eyes were focused on the same image as mine.

We got on well, although I could not help but feel that she was subtly testing me, trying to see just how much I remembered. She was soon popping in and out of my room – when Gaius found out about my impromptu guided tour, he was not happy and ordered bed rest. I reluctantly changed into a white nightgown behind a screen, making sure that my broken ankle was off the floor at all times.

I didn't feel much like resting, especially the days when Arthur came in doing the 'host with the most' thing. I was aching to get out of bed and sit outside, even if it was only for an hour. My head turned involuntarily to face the window glowing with the late afternoon sunlight and, smiling humourlessly, I asked if he had come to break me out.

Merlin was, yet again, hovering very… close behind his master. I had seen the way Gwen behaved around Morgana – deferent, respectful, but still somewhat informally. Merlin seemed to need to be near Arthur at all times. As they turned to leave, I asked Arthur if I could speak to Merlin a moment. Surprised, he agreed.

"I know your secret," I accused him.

He jumped back with a deer in the headlights expression. "W-w-what secret? I'm not hiding anything."

"You're such a bad liar."

He deflated, losing all the fight in him. "But how did you know? I've never used magic around you, except to help hurry along your healing. But I only did that when you were deeply asleep."

_What?! He had been sneaking in to see me __**sleep**__! The pervert!_ "Umm, I didn't mean magic. I meant your *suggestive eyebrow raise* relationship with Arthur. So you have magic? That's so cool!"

"You mean you're _not _going to hand me over to get killed?"

He had been shocked that, having learnt his secret, I still wanted to talk to him. In return for his sharing his secret, I told him how I _really_ got there, going so far as to demonstrate the Magic Handbag. As shocked as he had been, he seemed even happier to see the strange device I had with me.

"Come with me," he grabbed my hand, pausing when I winced to apply a temporary healing spell and then tugged again impatiently as I stood in wonder. "It'll only last an hour. Hurry up!" his smile was infectious, he was overjoyed to meet someone who knew his secret and accepted it.

He led me out into a clearing in the forest, in fact it appeared to be the one I had arrived in. he tilted his head up to the sky and, his eyes flashing _Twilight_ gold, started shouting some odd words, looking, to be absolutely, brutally honest, quite retarded while doing so. Not long after he shouted in this strange language, the air was compressed in rhythmic thuds. He turned to face me.

"Alice Greene, allow me to introduce you to… Kilgarrah,"

I had had a brief rundown on who Kilgarrah was and what he had done for Merlin and Arthur. The last five minutes had been spent in silence as I thought about it. he didn't help Merlin and Arthur, but _Merthur_. In my head, I had already started calling him the Almighty Slash Dragon. Anyway, back to the present…

"So… Kilgarrah. I've heard quite a lot about you. And about *duh duh duuuuh* Merthur, oh Almighty Slash Dragon."

"Who is this person, Merlin? And," turning to address me, "What do you mean by calling me the almighty slash dragon?"

So, having sent Merlin out of the way to protect his innocent ears, I explained the basics of slash. As my explanation neared its end, the overgrown gecko snarled, jerking his head back and snaking it from side to side, blinking his eyes in disbelief.

"How did you discover my long-term plan?" he asked incredulously. "Although, it was quite a disappointment when Arthur started kissing Gwen." A giggle burst through my lips.

"Merlin!" I called, "It's safe to come out now!"

The next day I had been invited to lunch with Uther, Arthur and Morgana. It was hard to keep a straight face when I was watching Merlin stepping forwards to 'serve' Arthur his wine. It may have been my overactive imagination coupled with a few weeks of enforced bed rest, but I could see something going on. I was jerked out of my pleasant daydream and my not-so-innocent plans to get the two together by Uther asking me to pass the salt that was by my right elbow. Not thinking, I replied "What's the magic word?" realising what I had just said, I took in a sharp breath and clapped my hands over my mouth. _Shit_.

The king's head whipped over towards me. Arthur winced. Morgana smirked. Merlin and Gwen looked worried, Merlin more so than Gwen.

I panicked. Uther was not known for his sense of humour. I risked a terrified glance in his direction and, seeing the storm clouds gathering over his face, resolved to go digging in my Magic Handbag which I had kept close by. I dived in and drew out a box with a Big Red Button. Of course, there is only one thing to do when faced with a Big Red Button. Press it.

A flash of lightning and everything went dark.


End file.
